I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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