he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
