Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
