All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
