i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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