I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
