Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
