3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
