Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
