I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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