I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
