Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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