yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
