Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I touched a dick in church today
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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