What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
