Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
