Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
