I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
