thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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