Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
