yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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