Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
