I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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