Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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