Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
