Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
