I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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