This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
