if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
