he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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