she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
