so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
