Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
