If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
