Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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