my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
