I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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