Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
