That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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