Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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