Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
