Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize