my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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