I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
