After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
