would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
