Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
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Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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