In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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