beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
