I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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