I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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