we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
