The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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