Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
