shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
