He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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