The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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