Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
