I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
