I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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