I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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