Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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