need another drink. this is the easiest way
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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