I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
