I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
