Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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