There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
