I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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